Love in cold blood

I gave up long ago.....
painting love with crimson flow,
ran out of blood and hope,
so I paint you no more.




From my personal experience, and Mr. Rabbani's (haha) I have to come to the conclusion that you just can't trust girls, no matter how sweet or honest they might be. You just can't trust them, every last one. Funny enough you can't live without 'em, or at least that's what they say.

You invest so much time, for nothing, and let's not forget time is money. Maybe I just over react about the situations I've been in? I don't know.

Let's see I've had uh, two real relationships, and a couple that never took off. The first one cheated on me without a doubt so I don't have to even entertain that one. The second, well we grew apart when she went abroad and she got a boy yonder but at least she was honest about that, she didn't cheat but she lied....

Then there were a couple that never took off because after those experiences you put precautions in place so the same things never happen again, and frankly they didn't pass the filter. Some complain about how I over react over small thing, or that my expectations are too high and its unfair that they have to pay for the mistakes of others but, what can you do? You have to have some form of insurance.

I won't go into any more details but I'll leave with a question. How far does it have to go, before you put that force field up? How far does it go before you consider it cheating. For example I go as far as the mind... You just think of it and that's enough for me.

I'll elaborate on what I mean "think of it". For example: your in a relationship with someone. Somewhere in there you get kinda busy, and don't have so much time for the person, you explain yourself, she says she understand, you love her, she says she loves you... but deep down she doesn't... she's straying... she's thinking to herself I wonder if I should be with him, or that cute guy that keeps flirting with me nowadays. To me that is just as good as cheating. You can't leave them alone for a minute and already they ... if every wife left their husband because they were away to work, ha! You have to be able to have that trust... you just can't not have it. Complete and utter loyalty regardless of the situation. Nowadays it seems like you blink and they find someone else. I end the line there because if it is starting there only a fool will continue so that it can happen later down the road where the consequences are ten fold. All that is left to do is sever all ties and never think about it again. Remember the lesson, forget the person.

How about you?


Sometimes there's just that one person you can never forget...

The Republic

Anakin Skywalker, Palpatine, Padme, Kit Fisto


I have a second job.... and its not being an artist hahaha...

gah, and its turning out to be more work than I wanted, why can't you get paid for nothing. So apart from being a computer technician at GScom I am now the network administrator for the department of environment in Belmopan. Yay... more money for me to spend on games and not girls!

However "the republic" that exists within the department is pissing me off. Apparently they had one of their employees that know a little about computers running the network since no one else was competent enough. He was very power militant though, like he denied access to internet to some people etc etc just because he could and wanted you to depend on him, absurd. Since I came in he's been very hostile. Kind of like this was my job asshole move out!, kinda attitude. So yes guess what he did to me? He changed the server password so I couldn't get in and do my work and then he's like gah I wont even divulge into that... just know I had to hack into the server change it and he got pissed and I was happy hehe.

Apart from the dilemma I have this other computer on the network that has a corrupted TCP/IP protocol and I've been spending two days on it so far trying to fix it, well not two entire days, mind you I am a full time student and I try to fix it in between classes etc, but I've been so busy with studying for tests and doing programs I'm packed.

Finally decided I'm just gonna say fuck it all and reformat it. Anyhow...

I have way too much work right now... either i quit a job or drop some class.

Asian chick

I remember drawing this one in the cafeteria of our apartment complex whilst not studying for molecular biology....



Yes I know she has no eyes, I intended for her hair to be covering it... besides I didn't have time to draw eyes I was too preoccupied with her breasteses.

Those were the days... young, bored, and running on empty. I honestly do miss those times although I hated what I was doing for a living at the time. I miss the place, I miss the people but most of all I miss me.

Imperfections

Well, well, well not much to say. So I thought I'd do an entry about what I did over this weekend. So let's see, I actually started early in doing homework, for some odd reason, and I don't know why I didn't realize this before... but when you do your homework early it feels very rewarding. haha. So yes, lately I've been doing all my homework and studying early like a "model" student... *coughs* mennonite, and it feels great.

I spent the entire weekend doing a program for my Advance web technology class in PHP. It wasn't really hard, but it would have been way easier if the teacher didn't move so fast and actually slowed down and teach something. I had to do a lot of research on the language and shit before I could even begin to code. So I would think that was why it took my around 3 days to do.

Other than that I did manage to finally go see the new resident evil movie out. I think it was great compared to the previous two, but fucking way off compared to the game. I guess the movie franchise is all on its own now, but it was still a very good plot and story line. So I would still recommend you watching it.

I got my Mitsubishi pickup back finally! I've been without a mode of transportation since april when I had my accident that cost me my perfect 20/20 vision. Wearing the pirate eye patch was very cool still though I must say haha. So, yes where was I, uh.. I get my car back and being the person I am, meticulous to fuck. I find sooo much things I don't like about it.

The AC gives off a faint lil whistling noise when its one level below the highest, the passenger door seems to like droplets of water when its raining, the steering wheel makes a noise like plastic rubbing on plastic when I make turns, when I drive fast on the highway I can like hear the wind blowing making me believe the cab isn't totally air tight, when I go really fast I notice the steering is a lil shaky... gah I know... I have OCD.

I always do this though, I look for imperfections in everything and find even if there's none. I ordered a flash drive from the internet, kinda like the one I had stolen from me *coughs*. It came today but I've yet to go pick it up, oh well the night is young. My itouch wont be coming in until the 15th so I'm waiting anxiously to get it so I can eyeball all its imperfections and bitch about it later. tee hee.

Anyhow, I'll be back when I have something more interesting to say.