"Very distubing, how old are you?" ....Those were the words the doctor told me after looking at an X-ray of my chest, and the reason I tried to quit smoking.
My eyes are now twitching...no its not cancer. I've experienced this one before... they are breaking down on me once more. Once again not sleeping is having an effect on my eyes. They twitch on their own without me even feeling or knowing. I only find out when people are like "Whoa, cool how'd you do that?!" ..."Do what?"..."make your eye move like that".
There is a simple remedy, the doctor gave me it. Sleep. I've been off lunesta for months... I can't afford another addiction. This all happened because of crap like that. Back in med school I had to STUDY. I mean STUDY.... Friesen times ten studying. Everything was spanish, everything was new... imagine studying molecular biology, or physiology in a language you didn't even know for the first time. Spent countless nights translating, soaking in info, etc. No time for sleep, but the body craved it and claimed what was rightfully his regardless. I had to find a solution, another med student in my apartment complex had that. "sin suenos, este cabrones te va a dejar despierto por dias ...ahuevo va" They did just that, and I had the time I needed.
I think they were caffeine pills?.. at least thats what I hope. Nevertheless when I gave up the lifestyle and I could once again allow my best friend the sandman to visit, he didn't come. My body had been screwed beyond repair over the years of torture, both from those pills and the changes I had endured mentally. My mind is sooo, and tooo, active now.I'm just glad I got out before I jumped off a building like my friend Rishi Cummins. I find myself thinking about him... for those of you that seem stumped. Rishi graduated my year from SJC. Brilliant kid, he was terribly young too. He took 11 CXCs and faack almost all grade ones... he set a new record in the Caribbean and received so many awards. That kid was going places. Cut a year forward... he commit suicide by jumping off a building on his campus. Something about not hacking it anymore...always studying since he was born. I felt sorry for him. His mother didn't even allow simple pleasures like watching WWF, or playing games, he had to study when everyone else was being a kid. I'm glad I got out when I did.
My poor eyes, they've suffered the most in my journey. From the scar and partial blindness in my left eye from the car accident, to the things I've seen, and now to the lack of sleep.
My eyes are twitching... I wonder if I will need to close my eyes every night like before, to rest my eyes, yet being wide awake under my lids. At least I'll be alone. Wide awake under my eye lids, thinking, thinking, thinking.... my mind wont let me rest.
I need a cigarette. Bai
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
I worry about you. Not only because you never actually tell me any of this but because of it you arn't actually you.
relax
That Rishi was defected. He used to sit all alone on that bench during lunch.
Take it easy on yourself. Don't want to cut your life too short now.
I was a insomniac once in my life. The year after college (high school, whatever,) I got a job to pay for sixth form. It was a challenging job and I was way out of my league to take it. But I was up to the challenge and I needed the cash. After a year of either being at work or learning how to do my job better, I just couldn't sleep. I was a nervous wreck. It was horrible.
I almost came back my first year at sixth form. I was maintaining a 3.8 and working two part time jobs at a total of forty-hours a week. I met my limit there and I stopped before I crashed.
Yeh wise decision... mmm sleep is for wimps anyways haha. kidding. i miss it.
Post a Comment